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Ok...so the last time I've even been on a date was 8 mos ago...yeah, I said it!! 8 mos. Sure it sounds horrible...but how do you think I feel. Do sometimes you ever wonder, if you let someone go to soon? I do. I felt like that today while running errands...I was headed home after closing a deal on my new home (yep, your girl is becoming a homeowner...more of that soon.), when I saw this older couple walk past me. My thoughts were so random at looking at them; but I thought,
Holy Santa Claus shit, that is soo beautiful. Their really old but its sooo beautiful.I sat in my car and cried. Thinking about what could of been with me and "Brown Eyes" (is what I will call my significant that I let slip away.). I met "Brown Eyes" through a mutual friend ...I was so attracted to their warmth,through our phone calls and emails. Finally we met, I took a trip to Florida to see them (I was residing in Cali at the time.). The first time we locked eyes, it felt as if I was going to melt right there in the terminal. We screwed like animals as soon as I got back to their place,and spent 3 full days of "Puppy Love" bliss.
Things went quite smooth from there. Yet, our distance made it hard for us to be open and true. But sometimes I was wondering if they like the fact that they had a "PORN CHICK" on their Rolodex or if it was honest feelings. Yet at the same time its always hard for me to deal with the dating scene...seeing as what my occupation is. Look, people, I am not ashamed of my job...yes I DO PORN!!
Its my JOB not my LIFE...!! Sometimes I wonder if people really see me for me or for the raunchy side of Amile they see on DVDs and internet sites. I dont care who sees it...but I WANT them to SEE me. Like I said in the earlier blogs, Ive dated some known personalities...but I could care less.
I always look at my partner as inspiration...be a compliment to their SWAG....you feel me? =0] I work too hard to have whats my own.I always wonder if I can ever find something so beautiful as the elder couple I seen this afternoon. Someone who laugh at my jokes as I will do the same. Actually be a friend on top of being that lover, that makes my body quiver by just whispering hello. Seeing me for me...and not what I do. I know it will be hard to find, especially in today's crazy ass world. I pray everyday that I will see that happening...until then,
xoxo
Amile W.
Follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/amile_waters
